An Egotist Plagued by Self-Doubt

 

I think a lot about myself, which is not to say I think a lot OF myself. Although I do – I think I’m a pretty OK person. I have faults just like everyone else.

But I think a lot about who I am and what I am. I think about what I’ve said and how it affects other people. I wonder why I do the things I do and say the things I say. Why do I think the thoughts I think? I think about the things that fly out of my mouth that have offended or hurt others. And of course things I’ve said and done that get me into trouble at work

It was Plato who said, quoting Socrates, that the unexamined life is not worth living. I’ve always examined my life.

I used to just walk, trying to figure myself out.

At one point, back in the early ’80s, when I was going through some terrible times. I imagined building a cage, a cage of my own doing. Because, after all, everything that was happening “to” me was because of my own actions.

This is “Woman Building Her Own Cage in the 21st Century.” Even when things are going well, we build cages around ourselves, for comfort, for protection. But, at least now, I’m doing it consciously. I can build a door in my cage and keep you out if I want, or let you in for tea and conversation.

Sometimes I just fell really tired and old.

Having said all that, isn’t it nice that we live in a society where physical needs (for most people) are taken care of so that we have the opportunity to examine our lives and think about our place in the world? If we were scratching out a meager existence, we wouldn’t have time to think about it.

This post may seem like kind of a bummer, but it’s just that I’m in a reflective mood. Being home, off work, with injuries caused by my own stupidity, it just makes me think.

But s**t happens and it’s all a part of life, and even with the s**t, life is pretty damned good. We’ll be moving to Ireland soon and I’m looking forward to all the possibilities.

This is a picture filled with possibilities.

ssibilities:

Comments

  1. Janette Trejo says:

    I love reading your blog posts Godfrey. This one is so insightful and true. It makes you think about the present and how our decisions shape us in the good and the bad. Hope you’re doing well. I miss hearing your stories before starting work.

    1. I miss you, Janette!

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